Baavri

Baavri – The Crazy One

Sitting under a naked tree, with clothed emotions, she was looking at the vehicles pass by. Vehicles of all colours passed her by, except the one she loved, Blue.

This time she had decided to live her life the way she wanted. She wanted to rule it, she wanted to bend it over and spank its ass. Her life was becoming unruly from past few weeks or maybe months; it felt as if she was losing her control over it after taming it for years. She needed to prove who the boss was. Because she was the boss and life was her bitch.

Blue was her favourite colour and her resolution for the day was to take ride in a blue car by any means. She had just broken up with her man, who always overpowered her. She knew that nothing could overpower her, except nicotine. A drag and she was its slave. She lighted a cigarette, stuck it between her left hand’s fingers and continued drawing random figures on the ground with her right hand.

Two hours later, she felt like giving up and letting reins loose. Maybe, she had presumed too much, maybe life always won and she was supposed to lose. But hey, how could she? Then she felt something on her shoulders, sending a chill down her spine. It was a droplet of rain. She smiled; it was just like the way she wanted. Finally, life was accepting her orders. It didn’t take long before the rain washed away all the sadness off her face. She was drenched, and daylight was trying to penetrate through her dress. Her concealed body was trying to take a view of the outside world, as she continued waiting for a blue vehicle.

Suddenly she heard a loud horn; she hated loud noises, except hers. No one was allowed to shout in her presence, or else she bawled the shit out of them. She treated world like her bedroom, handled it the way she wanted.

“Hey girl, get inside the car. What are you doing, sitting in the rain under a leafless tree?”

Mesmerized by the voice, she searched for the face of her mysterious saviour hidden behind the translucent sheet of rainfall. She stood up and walked at her own pace; she wanted each droplet of the rain to kiss her body. Reluctantly, bidding farewell to the rainfall, she opened car’s door, and entered that electric blue vehicle.

One of her favourite Jim Morrison songs was soothing up the car’s environment. Ironically, her love for that song was the only thing she had in common with her ex.

She remembered the moment when she broke up with him, he was the 3^rd man in her life and as unsatisfying as the previous two. She always felt that there was something wrong with the men around her, but that was the first time she realized it was her. He was the sweetest person she had ever met, and her conscience led her to break up with him in the cruellest way. She couldn’t bring herself to explain to him what she felt or couldn’t have blurted out the number of times she had to fake an orgasm.

Her life was turning into a mess; she was having a hard time understanding herself. She couldn’t accept the fact the that she was dancing to the tunes of the life, who once danced to hers. She felt betrayed by her own thoughts. Therefore, she planned to take some strict action, and decided to go on a long vacation. She had decided everything, including the exact place she would be drenching herself in the unseasonal rainfall. She had decided everything including the way she would be meeting the man of her dreams on this vacation. This time, life was supposed to have no say.

She had always felt that it had been years since a man was able to satisfy her, whereas, the truth was that there had been none. She knew those vacations will work wonders and she’d find the man of her life. The one who’d love her, the one she’d enjoy. She had always relished being in control of life, instead of letting life do the needful until she heard that voice again along with an outstretched arm,

“Hey I’m Maahi.”

Photograph by: Sarika Gangwal

Written by: Abhinav Chandel

Kuch Yaadein Africa Ki

Whenever I look at the pictures from Africa, each one of them tries to show me the pain hidden in that continent. But then I found this one in Sarika’s album, trying to inspire me, trying to reveal that it’s one of the most beautiful places on earth and trying to find beauty where everyone tries to find the beast.

 

आज़ादियाँ आज यूँ बुलाती हैं मुझे, 

वादियाँ आज यूँ रिझाती हैं मुझे, 

हवाएं आज यूँ झुलाती हैं मुझे, 

और फिर कुछ यूँ उड़ता हूँ मैं…  

Blue and Blues, I’ve seen every shade of them. These lands are my bed and these skies are my canvas now. All I have to do is make myself a child once again somehow. All I have to do is learn to dream once more, and all I have to do, is learn to let out this scream once more.

I have been burnt and left to die; I have withered in the hostile winds.

बारिशों की खोज में, 

न जाने कितने काले बादलों को हमराज़ बनाया है मैंने,

ख्वाहिशों की खोज में

न जाने कितने अनसुलझे ख्यालों को आवाज़ बनाया है मैंने, 

As I see those kids, fearless and tearless. I remember the one that was lost somewhere, sometime ago. I sit and look at the sky, as if it’s an album of everything I shouldn’t have forgotten. Then suddenly, a kid pulls me towards them, asking me to join their game.

I want to join them, but I feel something is holding me back. I want to be free once again, but there’s something I lack. I want to smile once again, but the only colour I possess is black.

फिर अपने दिल को ही टटोल कर 

शायद उन भूली यादों को ढूँढता हूँ मैं, 

उन बंद पोटलियों को खोल कर, 

फिर खुद से किये कुछ वादों को ढूँढता हूँ मैं, 

The kid leaves, leaving me behind. Autumn leaves, shedding from the tree of worries in my mind.  I look at the clouds and pull out my pen; I let the sky fill it with ink once again.

I sit silently, letting those memories grind me. I sit intently, letting those stories find me. I feel, I wonder and I smile, I do everything I had forgotten all this while. Now, I feel at home, I feel alive once again. I feel the happiness that once remained veiled behind the pain.

I want to fly; I want to steal some colours from this sky. I want to run, sing and dance. Once again, I want to enter that trance.

नीली ज़मीन, हरा आसमान 

सफ़ेद बादल, काले ख्याल 

इन सबको पीछे छोड़, मैं फिर चलता हूँ 

एक सपने की ओर, जिसे न जाने क्यों देखना छोड़ दिया था मैंने 

I stand up and move slowly towards my new friends calling me. I close my eyes, spread my wings, and fly away from the loose ends stalling me.

Chaand Se Saja Kamra…

This time photographer herself is the muse. 

कभी–कभी रातों को युँही उल्लुओं की तरह छत पर बैठे रहते थे हम, तो वह मुझे फुसफुसा कर कहती..

“वो चाँद लाकर दो न मुझे,

उससे तुम्हारा कमरा सजाऊँगी,

जब तुमसे दूर चली जाऊं,

तो उसे देख लेना, तुम्हे हमेशा याद आऊँगी”

 

फिर मैं उसे देख हँस पड़ता, तो वह रूठ जाती थी, मैं छत के इस कोने में होता और

वह दूसरे में जाकर बैठ जाती थी..

 

“कभी-कभी अचानक मुस्कुरा पड़ती,

और मुस्कुरा कर कहीं गुम हो जाती,

ना जाने आँखें बंद कर क्या सोचने लगती,

और सोच कर उस राज़ को छत के किसी अँधेरे कोने में छोड़ आती…”

 

और मैं,

“बस उसे युँही पढ़ता रहता,

अपने मन की तिजोरियों को,

उसकी यादों से भरता रहता..”

 

शायद मुझसे कुछ जुड़ा था उसका, इसलिए हर रात किसी न किसी बहाने से छत पर मिलने आ जाती|

फिर एक सर्दियों की रात वोह बोली..

“मुझे आइस-क्रीम खानी है,

हाँ हाँ पता है तबियत ख़राब होगी मेरी,

पर फिर तुम अपनी गोद में मेरा सर रख कर मुझे सुलाना,

और सारी रात अपनी उँगलियों से मेरे बाल सहलाते रह जाना…”

 

इससे पहले की मैं कुछ बोल पाता, वह फिर चालू हो जाती…

“और हाँ, ख़बरदार जो उठ कर कहीं गए,

देखो बिना बतलाये मैं चली जाउंगी,

जी भर कर फिर रोते रहना,

कभी वापस न आऊँगी…”

 

फिर हम आइस-क्रीम खाने जाते थे, और वह ख़राब तबियत का बहाना कर मेरी गोद में सर रख सो जाया करती थी|

 

और मैं..

” युँही उसको ताकता रहता,

उन बंद आँखों के पीछे छिपे…

कुछ टूटे सपनों में झांकता रहता..”

 

रोज़ सुबह की चाय में तीन चम्मच चीनी मिला कर पीती थी,

और जब भी मैं उसे Diabetes हो जाएगा कह कर डांटता तो मुझसे कहती…

“हो जाने दो, अच्छा ही है न

जब तक तुम डाक्टरी करके अपनी क्लिनिक नहीं खोलते,

मैं रोज़ ज्यादा चीनी खा जाया करुँगी,

फिर हमेशा तुम्हारी क्लिनिक में ही,

अपना इलाज कराने आया करुँगी…”

 

तब बस एक महीना ही रह गया था उसके जाने में, न जाने कैसे दो साल बीत गए,

रोज़ उसे वह मीठी चाय पीते देख|

 

और मैं…

“बस यही सोचता रह जाता,

की उस छत को क्या जवाब दूंगा,

जहाँ हम अपनी रातें बिताते थे,

उन चाँद-तारों को क्या जवाब दूंगा,

जिनको अपनी फ़ालतू बातें सुनाते थे…”

 

देखते देखते एक दिन वोह चली गयी, कुछ दिन बाद उसकी शादी का कार्ड आया था मुझे|

 

चाह कर भी जा न सका…

“उस रात आँखें छलक आयीं थीं,

और खिड़की खोली,

तो सर्द हवाएं उसकी शायद कुछ गम हुई

यादें लायीं थीं|

फिर जो खिड़की से बाहर देखा,

तो चाँद अपनी चांदनी संग

मेरा कमरा सजा रहा था,

और पास वाली गली में,

एक आइस-क्रीम वाला रह रह कर चिल्ला रहा था…”